How to stay present in a relationship
How to stay present in a relationship is a choice. It something I have been reflecting about after a conversation I had the other day with a lady. You know how you sometimes end up having a great conversation with a stranger, and sometimes it inspires your day or inspires you to write a blog.
The lady asked me if I am married. I said no but (in’shallah as the say in Morocco), one day I hope I’ll get married and live with a great and loving man. I asked her the same, and her reply was “no”. She then shared with me how she felt about love and relationships. We spoke about how difficult it is to actually connect with anther human being, how difficult it is for people to stay present and appreciate what they have. We then shared our fears. Her fear was ending up with a man who is never home helping her out. I shared my fear telling her that my fear is to end up being in a relationship where the man doesn’t make our relationship a priority, and doesn’t dedicate time and presence.
In our modern life it is rare to see someone without a phone in the hand. Relationships have become superficial. People spend more and more time on their phone. Couples spend more time communicating with each other via messages, and spend less time BEING together, being present with each other and making efforts to step closer to one another. When we join social gatherings there is always someone who’s busy taking selfies all evening whilst someone else keeps scrolling his/her phone. Instead of being present almost everyone have their faces in one direction – their phone!
A few days ago, I read a comment from a Danish politician saying:
“I have shut down many of my phone apps. I realised I’ve changed behaviour. I became less present with the people I love. I didn’t read a book for a long time. I had to stop.”
If we want to have loving, respectful and growing relationships we need to begin to look at our actions. We need to reflect upon how we spend time, what we do with our time, and how we prioritise our time and relationships.
Time is in our hands. We have 24 hours a day. We all do. We can choose to be present. We can choose to say no to things that aren’t important. We can choose to be present with our partner in the mornings. We can choose to spend less time checking our phone the minute we wake up. We can choose to BE more. We can choose to SHOW love – not by words, but by actions.
We can decide to change our behaviour pattern. We can decide to be less selfish and include our partner in our plans, thoughts and reflections. After all, a relationship is team work. It is a place where two people need to be present with each other every single day to make it work, and make the relationship grow and blossom.
How to be present
Presence is time. Presence is dedication. If our work and projects are the most important things to us, and this is where we wish to spend all our days, hours and months, this can end up being a very lonely road on the long run. We might end up losing the one we love. No one wants to spend time with someone who never has time. The best gift we can give someone we love is our time full presence. When we are present with someone else we include them in our life, plans and growth.
Think about how much time and dedication we give to our work. How much time we spend working every single day. Wouldn’t it be great if we would invest much more time being present with our partner, husband, wife or children?
We take care of our car as if it was a human. We take care of our phone and stress out if it breaks. When we see that the battery on our phone is on low, we recharge it so it gets energy back. We need to do the same with our time and with our relationships. Give FULL attention and care. If we don’t, our relationships will die young!
Stay focused. Be present. Share love. Make time today, tomorrow and always.